So, for the past week, I've been feeling kinda down. I found out last Thursday, that I need a hysterectomy. I've been told for the last 10 years, that "by the time hit 30, I'd be a Prime Candidate for one", but, Landon was born the month before I turned 30, and I'm now 31. I always hoped, deep down , that the Doctors didn't know what they were talking about. I know, wishful thinking, but, one can hope...
Anyway, I've not been doing very well, since Landon was born. Back in May, I went to the Doctor because I was afraid I was suffering from Postpartum or something. I couldn't get motivated to do much of anything. I just wanted to sleep, I was snapping at the entire family, there were even times I didn't want the Baby near me. I was going nuts. I was feeling like the worst Mother, ever. Come to find out, I had a Hormonal Unbalance, due to the pregnancy and birth. Doctor put me on Progesterone Cream, which seems to help some. We also discussed, at the time, about the pain I was experiencing. I had had surgery back in 2000, for Endometriosis, and was having the same symptoms, again. He informed me that if the medicine didn't help with that, we'd have to take different measures.
Well, this past month, the pain has been getting worse, instead of better. I went back to see him, on Thursday. We talked about all the different options that there were for me. All medications he offered (high dosed birth control, continuous birth control, etc) have all been tried in the past. I always have the opposite reaction to these , so he decided that was over and done with. He could do another Laparoscopy, like I had in 2000, but the Endometriosis is not just were he could burn it off. It's mostly in the lining of my uterus, which means, he can't get to that. The pain will continue to worsen, if we don't do something now. Doctor said the only option for that was to "put the thing in a bucket". *sigh* Not REALLY what I wanted to hear, but I had decided that was what he was going to say. Maybe not quite THAT way, but...
So, I'm having surgery on December 3rd. This shouldn't mess up our annual Christmas trip to the In-Laws, because, apparently, the recovery time has lessened over the years. He told me that I wouldn't be able to do ANYTHING for 2 weeks (not 4-6). After that, I still wouldn't be 100%, and I wouldn't be able to do the major stuff, but I could probably drive. This means I shouldn't have a problem traveling a couple of hours at the END of Dec. It's also an Overnight Surgery, instead of 2-3 days. The six of us will be moving in with my parents, until I can recover enough to pick up the baby.
You know, I have FOUR Wonderful, Handsome, Little Men, but I always wanted that Little Girl. So, I guess I'm going through a sort of mourning process. I try to remind myself that there are those who cannot have ANY children, and those who only have one, and can't have more. But, I don't always manage to get out of my blahs. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't trade my precious boys for all he girls n the world! I just always wanted a girl, TOO. They all want a baby sister, too. That was tough for me, to have to break it to them that that wasn't happening. They all informed me a month or so ago, that they were praying for a sister. I had to explain that this was God's answer, not that He didn't answer. I don't want this to be a reason for them to lose faith in the Power of Prayer. Some of them cried, but that's okay. I've had my crying moments, too.
So, I am trying to focus on the GOOD things that could come from this. It's obviously not been easy, but I have thought of a few. I won't have this particular pain, anymore (Lord-willing), I won't have to worry about my painful monthlies (YAY!!!), my marriage could only get better (since I hopefully won't be in as much pain all the time), and I can maybe start doing some things I've never been able to do (due to the sudden pain attacks). I also, only have one room for the boys, so....where would we have put a little girl?
I was hoping to get this surgery over with by the end of this month, but between the hospital's schedule, the Doctor's schedule, and mine, it wasn't possible to do it until the 3rd of December. I'm trying not to dwell on it, but think positive thoughts, and get some things done (now that I have the extra time) that I won't be able to do afterward. This week, I'm having trouble with that. I ask you all to pray for me these next couple of months, that my spirits will lighten, and I'll be able to accept this. Also, that the surgery will go well, and I'll be able to go back to my role of Wife and Mother soon after.
Thank you all for "listening" to my drearies today. I love you all!
A Verse for Today's Thoughts
Psalm 118:24 This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.
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